Tears
by tonks1001
Summary: Lily's about to discover wether she is or isn't pregnant. A million thoughts, a million situations run through her head. Part of a Challenge.


**Hi again. Hope you like this story. I wrote it as a submission for a Challenge called The Pairing One Hour Challenge. 1000 words in a hour so I hope it's good enough. Anyway, read on...**

**Prompt- Friendly**

**Couple- James and Lily**

Tears

Lily's POV

I stare down at the pregnancy test in my hand, hoping, praying that it wasn't positive. That I was being stupid and assuming things I shouldn't. "Hurry up!" I muttered to myself, knowing James would be home any minute. He'd wanted a kid since before we were married, and I've always found a way to put it off. Either we didn't have the money, we weren't in the right state right now or it was some other stupid reason. I know we were ready and we had been for a long time. But how can we bring a child into this world while... He is still here... Living... Breathing... Killing. Why bring a child into this world, while we can't even be sure that we will return home at the end of the day. Why is he so sure we can do this. So sure that we're ready... That I'm ready. While he is out there, how can he be so sure that we aren't his next victims. We have already defined him 3 times, who's to say we can do it again. Who's to say, that at the end of the day we will come home, that our names won't be in the daily prophet under the column of people who are missing or dead. Who's to say that he wont go after our child. That he won't wipe us out all together. He has already punished James' parents, mine just weeks after. That he won't try make a job of it, killing all of us. Or maybe, he'll just kill the kid. Maybe he'll just want to make me and James suffer. No. I won't let it happen. I wonder what will happen if I am pregnant. If the test is positive. James will come home all friendly, acting like nothing's happened, like everything's normal. Well, to him everything would be normal. I would sit him down over a nicely cooked dinner (Thank god for Marks and Spencer's Ready Meals, or I would actually have to cook. James has no clue that I don't cook though) and tell him. He would be over the moon, dreaming of cribs and babygrows, a million and one baby names drifting through his head. He would pick me up and kiss me, wash up and clean for me. Then I would do 1 of 2 things. 1st of I could tell him I wanted an abortion. He would flip, saying I was being unreasonable, and couldn't I see what I was doing to him. To me. To the baby. To us. Couldn't I see how irrational I was being, and blind. How I needed to think about this, I needed to get my head straight. He would storm out the house, going to Sirius' or Remus', while I was left with a growing problem. A fast growing problem. If I did get the abortion done, James would leave for sure. Because I couldn't do one thing for him; the on thing that happened to mean the world to him. I would make him so happy... But it would destroy me, starting from the inside. Or I could decide to keep it. Watch my stomach grow increasingly, blowing up like a balloon. I could dream babygrows and cribs with James, think of a million and one baby names. I could watch James assemble the nursery, help paint the walls a baby pink, or a soft peach, or a light blue. I could tell all ,y friends, watching them grin and congratulate me. Have a baby shower with all my work mates, before shoving a watermelon out my ass and have to live with it. Watch it grow. Talk, walk, start school, discover it's first bit of magic, go to hog warts, graduate, get married and then be faced with the big dilemma like I am. Everything would change. James would be so happy, talking to the baby before it was born, helping me through the mood swings, holding my hair while I vomit, telling me I looked beautiful when I had a ballon-sized stomach, swollen ankles and a fat ass. That everything would be alright when I cried during the birth. It would make him so ecstatic. Everyone would be ecstatic. But I wouldnt. I would hate it from the moment it was born. I couldn't be a mum. Not now. Not when... He was still here. 1 minute. 1 more minute till my fate was decided. My stomach churned. I couldn't do this. No. I couldn't. I won't. No way. This will destoy me, make me something I'm not. I always said I never wanted kids. That they were a liability. That they grow up, leave home and break your heart. Why bother with that? Why bother? O would Severus that when I 1st met him. Severus. I wonder what he would make of this crap. What he would think of Lily Evans- No Lily Potter, Potter now, not Evans, Evans- Lily Potter possibly becoming a Mum. Possibly having a child... With James. He'd hate me. Never talk to me again. Ever. Just because I would be having a child. Being fair to Sev, he did hate the man who would be the father. But to be honest, of James had bullied me like he did Sev, I would hate him to. It will destroy Sev, but make James so happy of I have the child. If I don't, it'll make Sev so happy, but destroy James. I have to chose what to loose. Which one is more important. James or Sev. I've made this choice once, why do I have to make it again? Maybe, just maybe it's not positive. I look at the clock, realising it's been 5 minutes so the results will be showing. I look down, my whole body shaking like a leaf in Autumn. Positive. How can this be? Me, Lily Potter- note, I said Potter- a mother? A mother at 20. Tears spill down my cheeks. But not in the way you might think. Me, Lily Potter is happy about having a baby. And I will protect it with my life.  
**What do you think? Please no hate, as I thought the ending was nice. You might not though. Please R&RM as it'd mean a Ton! Thanks**

**~Bella~**


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